No matter at what point in your marriage a divorce occurs, the sadness and pain that accompanies it are real. Even those who are normally resilient — and for those living in southwest Louisiana, by default, that's pretty much everyone — may find themselves with a case of the blues after a divorce.
But it's time to get your groove back, and here are some helpful suggestions for how to do just that.
- Build a support network. Dysfunctional marriages can sometimes alienate spouses from their network of friends and family members. If you have allowed vital relationships to fall by the wayside during your marriage, you can always rekindle them now. It's also perfectly fine to branch out and discover new friends to offer support when you need it the most.
- Let go of the negativity. The more recent and acrimonious the divorce, the more difficult this can be. However, holding on to past hurts allows your former spouse to live rent-free in your head and heart. Try journaling or another kind of healthy release to help you let go of pent-up resentment.
- Learn to love your me-time. If you had a particularly codependent relationship, you might feel uncomfortable in your own skin for awhile — or longer. Learn how to cherish this special time by developing solo interests to occupy the time when the kids are with your ex and you are on your own.
- Fulfill your passion. What have you always wanted to do that life (or your marriage) appeared to hold you back from accomplishing? Whether it's learning to run the table in a game of pool, bowl a perfect 300, get your degree or buy a membership into that hunting camp, you officially have no more excuses. To quote a major corporation, "Just do it!"
Sometimes taking these steps is easier said than done. If you feel like your past continues to hold your future hostage, you may need a little push.
It's perfectly all right to ask your family doctor or the attorney who handled your divorce for a recommendation for a good therapist for some short-term counseling that can help you work through any lingering resentment and negative behaviors that can be holding you back from the fulfilling post-divorce life that you deserve.