Eric S. Neumann, APLC
More Than 25 Years Of Family Law Experience
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Set a plan for your children during and after your divorce

Your children didn't have any input into your divorce, but they are going to be affected by it. You have to take steps to reduce the severity of the impacts. This isn't always easy and it might not be evident that they are having any issues at all. You must be observant and try to do what you can to help them.

There are things that you need to think about from the first time you and your ex discuss divorce. Keeping the children safe from harm, including emotional trauma, has to be a priority for both parents. One option that you have for doing this is to work with your ex to get the kids what they need and to make decisions about the parenting plan.

Look at the small things

It is easy to think about the big things that might impact your child, such as having to learn to live in two different homes. Don't focus solely on those. Instead, look at the little things that might bother the child. Maybe they want to bring a favorite pillow or blanket with them between homes. They might be concerned about things like having a nightlight at bedtime or being able to call a good friend if they need to talk.

Offer encouragement

Offer encouragement to your children freely. They need to know that they have your support. Some children are unsure of how each parent will feel about their relationship with the other parent. Encourage them to have a meaningful relationship with the other parent, as well as members of that side of their family.

Take care of the financial matters

Financial matters are important, so you should make sure that you have a clear plan for the child's monetary needs. As early as possible in the child custody case, have support and related matters worked out. Make sure that you don't try to do this by using the children as messengers. Instead, discuss these things directly with your ex. In fact, don't ever use the children to relay messages. Not only is there a chance the message won't be given properly, there is also the possibility that the children will become stressed by the information.

Keep life consistent

Consistency can help some children as they adjust to divorce. If possible, try to keep things like bedtime the same in both homes. You and your ex can work together to set joint rules about major factors in the child's life. All of the decisions you make should be set in the parenting plan.

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